I am a mother and a widow and a survivor of Domestic violence  and childhood trauma. I have five grown children I was married for 20 years, my husband passed suddenly in 2005, at the age of 51.  On our daughter's birthday. I got married at age 18 and had my first child at 16 and my husband was 9 years older than myself. We both were raised with both parents in the homes and had Christian beliefs.  When drugs or alcohol or both are introduced in a marriage, and there's an age difference its bound to be some misunderstanding, miscommunication, control behavior and abuse mentally and physically. This went on half of the 20 years of my marriage. I kept the abuse from  family members for years and that was a big mistake, but I didn't know the difference. Finally I got tired of being tired and decided to help me, and my children get out of the repeated  disfunctional abuse.  I realized I could not and I would not take it anymore. Also, I realized I could not change another person behavior or thoughts no matter how much you love them.